Ten Warning Signs of Food Nut Mania
I often describe myself as a food nut. People ask me what it's like to be a food nut. I always say that it's not so bad. You get used to it. Actually, I have made peace with my food nut mania. I rather enjoy it. My philosophy is simply to relax and make the best of it.
Therefore, I have decided to put together a list of key indicators, or rather warning signs, to serve as reference points in determining whether a person is or is not a food nut. Keep in mind that this offering comes strictly from a layman's point of view and it is more or less based on my personal experiences. If you want clinical diagnosis, go to a clinic.
I
have boiled it down. (Pardon my cooking analogy. My brain processes just
about everything in cooking terms). I have reduced the long list of possible
food nut mania indicators to 10 easily understandable and recognizable
events that could occur in your life. How many of these describe your
experience?
1. You plan your travel itineraries around places you wish to dine.
2. When asked what really good books and authors you've read lately, you recite only cookbooks and the names of chefs.
3. You know 50 ways to cook potatoes.
4. When you drive past your favorite steakhouse, you roll down your car window hoping to get one good whiff of the aroma.
5. When someone asks for directions, you direct them in relation to the restaurants in the area.
6. The clerk at the kitchen appliance store knows you so well that he knows your middle name and other spicy details.
7. Your spouse threatens divorce having heard you whisper in your sleep about your absolute love of some cheesy character named Monterey Jack.
8. When you walk into your favorite grocery store, you hear a voice over the loudspeaker say, "She's ba-ack."
9. You use power tools in your food preparation.
10.
You have so many kitchen timers and alarms going off at once that it sounds
like someone breached security at the White House.
This is by no means a complete list. However, it should be sufficient to aid in self-diagnosis of this condition. If 3 to 5 of the 10 items on this list describe you, then you are probably well on your way to becoming a food nut. If 6 or more apply, the condition is probably irreversible. There is no known cure for a full-blown case of food nut mania. The good news is that FNM is not considered life threatening.
If you know someone who is suffering from FNM, just be sure to give that person plenty of extra room in the kitchen to manage whatever food preparation issues that are currently in progress. Also, feel free to send them a copy of this list. It may help them to know that they are not alone.
Posted December 1, 2010
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Post Script: January 6, 2011
After this article was posted, a number of readers suggested their own additions to my list of "Ten Warning Signs of Food Nut Mania." If you would like to offer your own suggestions, click here.